A Piece From "The Third Step"
I don’t think I’ve ever made peace with this book. It wasn’t a bad story, but it was written before Mark became my editor. I think I had five people editing at different times. The result was a mess of typos that didn’t really flow very well at all. One day, I’d like to go over again with Mark and get it right.
It is the story of the guy, Frankie, addicted to drugs, booze and religion, and not necessarily in that order…
Twenty-two years since my last drink, last handful of pills Twenty-two years since the night I first saw that red-eyed,
red-faced, puking demon.
I raise my head from the toilet and look into the mirror I start to scream and cry and punch things.
Two weeks in oblivion: no food, no memory, just aimless walking.
Confused, scared, alone, hopeless.
Still sick, not vomiting, not bleeding, not drugged, Gray skies.
AA/NA: broken people trying to help each other heal.
Introductions: I’m a drunk, I’m a drug addict, I’m sick, I’m insane.
I don’t want to live like this. I don’t know how to live any other way.
I don’t know how to live. I don’t live, I feed my demon. Twelve steps, personal inventories
The battle over the third step, a battle that will last the rest of my life.
Understanding, making peace, getting better, feeling good, not drugged, not drunk.
Healing.
Temptation, fear, setbacks, refusal. Dig deep, hang on.
God grant me the serenity. Say it. Say it again. Say it again. Say it again.
A victory, a small but significant victory.
Recovery: a process, it does not end.
Recovery, gratitude. Peace. Confidence. Recovery. Life, living it, mistakes, forgiveness.
Anger, pride, the real drug. My drug.
Rage, violence, Say it again. Say it again. Say it again.
Peace.
A life, always aware, demons, always there, always close.
Work to ignore him. Work to deny him. Work to accept him. Pray for peace.
A child, my baby girl. An addict. Rage, the rage again
Breaking things, breaking hands, out of my mind, not drunk, drugged on my rage.
Want to kill. Want to hurt. Her face. Tears.
AA/NA again
The process never ends. We start again, together. The rage subsides.
I find love, I find peace. My baby girl is free and sane. Gratitude
Confident, happy, at peace
A hospital, a simple test
A drug in my vein: desire, craving, planning, want insanity.
The demon: unchanged, smiling, waiting Always, always, always waiting.
Say it again. Say it again. Say it again.
A victory, a shock, a move forward, confident and aware Never arrogant, always aware.
He sits there in the corner: waiting, always waiting. He will wait forever to kill me.
Say it again, say it again and say it again. ‘Not today, you won’t win today.’
That’s it for me this week. Here are some books to look at.
Stay safe, it’s getting weird out there!
Bill
